52 weeks update

[30/52] Repaint

As you might know I have been doing a 52 weeks project for a while now. The past few weeks I have been struggling with a lack of creativity and inspiration. Usually I just come up with some ideas while I am shooting, but right now I just feel empty. Therefore I decided to return to some older concept and try some new editing techniques.

[29/52] Ledges

This is one of the pictures that I wish I would not have taken. The only thing I like about it are the colours. But I cannot point a finger on what exactly bothers me. When I look at my newer work I feel very uneasy, as if something was totally wrong about the pictures.

[32/52] Comfortable in the Clouds

This picture I am actually very proud of. It pictures my state of mind perfectly (hibernation). A dreaming state.

[31/52] Human Factory

There is one thing that all the images I dislike have in common: I cannot relate to their message. It may sound weird, because I created them myself, but I do not always create with a purpose. Some of my images are the result of random impulses without any purpose or reason at all.
Therefore I decided to write short text first, and then create something that fits the topic. It actually helped a lot. 
[33/52] Mute

Sometimes we can feel trapped in solitude and silence. It is as if the world is set on mute and we are not really a part of it. Our own feelings can be overwhelming, and we shut out everything else. We see no reason for happiness and our actions seem to have no positive impact at all. The fear of failure makes us blind to the beauty in this world. We feel as if we are just a raindrop falling on the endless sea that disappears in the mass and becomes totally meaningless. We wish to gain attention, but it just feels as if every word and action is a total failure. Maybe you are insecure. You are so afraid of saying something wrong, so you say nothing at all. But you are not made without value. Even if your actions are just a drop of water falling on the sea, it leaves an impact. The ripples of every move you take will stir up the sea, if you just don’t give up. Yes, you will fail at some points, and not everything you say is right. But that is totally okay, as long as you don’t quit talking at all. Because if you do not say anything at all, no one will be able to tell you that you are wrong. You are valued and loved beyond limits. It may not always be visible, but if you keep your eyes open, you may see all the hints of love in this world.


Norway on Film

Last September I went to Norway with my boyfriend. We spent two weeks there and explored the Fjords by car. You can find the digital images here and here. On that trip, I also brought my Pentax ME super with a Pentax-M SMC 135 mm 1:3,5 lens and a Kodak Gold 200 film. I did not use the camera as much as I intended, but I took some pictures on an island called Fjøløy. It was a very hot day, and the entire island smelled of sheep dung. I do not have digital versions of the pictures, so I just took some pictures of them, on some pillows that I bought in Stavanger. 

From Fjøløy Fyr (which is the lighthouse) you can go to a fort from World War II, and enjoy the view from up there. There were a lot of sheep running around the entire island (even on the streets), and as it was very hot the smell was very intense. We could not even breathe normally because of it.
This adventure lead us to a problem: Our clothes were wet of sweat, and it was day three of our trip. We had to deal with the smell of sheep and sweat for the next 11 days. After that experience, we decided to head north and hopefully escape the heat. 

As we reached  the Hardangerfjord, it was much colder. There was even snow on the mountains! Nevertheless, we decided to swim in a Glacial River, because the water was so clear and the location was perfect for swimming (just search for 'Husedalen' on the web). Regrets. 

On the last day of our trip I had three pictures left on the film. I went to these sheep and took a picture of them, and then I went back to our campsite. However, when I tried to take the film out of the camera, something went terribly wrong. The back panel opened by accident, and the film was stuck in the wrong position. That meant that about four pictures were totally ruined, and most of the others had leaks on them. I thought about throwing the whole film away, but then I decided to give it a try. I am glad that I did. 

This drawing is some years old, and it is clearly made before I became interested in handlettering. But I have just become aware of how much our own attitude affects our ability to see the beauty in our surroundings. I clearly remember the first day of a hike on Iceland. I was in a bad mood. I did not want to take this hike at all. I thought it was very risky and we were not well equipped, and the weather was bad. There were so many reasons not to take the trip. So the first day, I took no pictures. I saw no beauty in my surroundings. I was mad at my sister, and she took pictures of every flower and was in an irritating good mood. However,  I think she understood the concept of travelling much better that day. It is not a journey towards a goal or attraction. It is the journey itself that should be the attraction. 


Evening Sun

Everything looks better on instagram. There are always some accounts with wonderful landscape pictures, with perfect light and perfect landscapes. People show off their adventurous lifestyle, and it seems as if they never stop travelling. I am guilty of this as well. The truth is that I have not been anywhere the last 4 months, but still I post pictures of mountains almost everyday. But what you do not know, is that these pictures sometimes are several years old. But I almost never publish any pictures from where I live. 

I live in Schleswig-Holstein, Germany. It is the region with the smallest total forest area compared to other regions in Germany. We have grassy landscapes, fields, and of course two seas. For some people this would be heaven. But I am somehow used to living close the sea, so I never take pictures of it. You might as well say that I do not see the beauty in my home region. But I know there is beauty. It is just a different kind of beauty. It is the kind of beauty that you have to look for. It is the beauty of endless grey days, with rain and storms.  It is weeks and weeks of the same weather. It is no snow in winter. But it is moments of sunshine as well. This beauty is hard to see if you compare it to mountains and sunshine. It is hidden in the sound of waves crashing against the coast. It is in the rolling hills at the East Coast. Sometimes it is hidden behind dikes, sometimes it is the untamed forces of nature. Sometimes it is the short moment in the evening, when the sun is about to set, and a little ray of sunlight shines through the clouds that have covered the sky for weeks. It is the soft light in the morning, shining through the fog. This beauty cannot be captured the same way as other landscapes. It takes a lot more patience and sensitiviness. This landscape is not made for epic landscape shots. And I often wish to take epic pictures, with dramatic mountains and light. I want pictures that scream "LOOK AT ME!", when this landscape whispers "calm down".
I have decided to take more pictures when I am at home. This  is the first set of pictures, that I took when the sunshine decided to stay with us for a day.

Thanks for the comments to my last post! If you want to follow my instagram-life, you can follow me @lilianrealize.